The History of Bonk Business Inc.


150 years ago the Baltic teemed with the anchovy. The Bonks, a simple fishing family on the west coast of Finland anxious to better themselves, made two discoveries. The first was an ancient recipe for Garum - a mildly stimulating condiment made from the anchovy. The second discovery was the extreme viscosity of anchovy oil, which greased the wheels of Nordic industry for many decades until overfishing by interlopers in the Baltic caused the Great Oil Crisis of 1883. Overfishing also was exacerbated by marauding flocks of Eider Duck, until the Duck Scarer was invented by P”r Bonk

The Anchovy Effect

P”r Bonk (1855-1908), who had travelled the world in Bonk schooners, remembered the shoals of Giant Peruvian Anchovy he had seen in the Pacific. With his father B–nken, their plan was to restock the Baltic. At first they failed to rear the subtropical fish in the harsh northern climate. However their experimental use of electrical heating wires in fish breeding pools led to the discovery of the Anchovy Effect. The synchronized movement of the fish along the wires created a dynamo effect. Helgoland was soon electrified, and the P”r Bonk's workshops were able to produce a cornucopia of mechanical marvels, such as the Anchovy Snuff Grinder.

A Strange Rock Formation

The unique geology of Helgoland is formed of Enochite, a radon-rich pre-Caledonian granite containing striations of Feather Water (now called UltraLight Water), a highly unstable and corrosive volcanic plasma of micro-electromagnetic crystals capable of retaining a high voltage electrical charge. A special Enochite drill was developed to bore this dangerous rock. Enochite was also found on the southern Baltic shores where the Friedel Mining Company of Pomerania established several quarries under contract to the Bonk Machine Company.

Next door neighbours

From the beginning of the 19th century, Finland had been a Duchy of Russia, so it is not surprising that strong commercial ties existed between these two countries - and the P. Bonk Co. was at the forefront of this trade. Contacts began with the export of Garum, but the opening of the Trans-Siberian railway offered the chance for unparalleled exploitation.

The P. Bonk & Co's 'Siberian Project' to electrify and industrialize the vast forests east of the Urals, was initiated after a large deposit of Enochite was located in Tunguska.

The Tunguska Explosion

An enormous Anchovy dynamo was constructed in the lake to provide electricity. No-one really knows what happened that fatal day in 1908. An enormous explosion, one of the greatest since the eruption of Krakatoa two decades earlier, flattened trees over millions of hectares. The mass of fish racing twenty kilometres down the lake may have set up a bow-wave of energy through interaction with cosmic rays and radiation from the Enochite. In China it rained anchovies causing wholesale panic. According to local folk lore, ''Fish Rain' heralded the end of the World.

The Russian Connection

Although the Tunguska affair had soured the business relationship with the Tsar, the Bonk Machine Company, as it was now called (1908), continued to export Garum to Russia and various mechanical garum serving units found great favour in the Imperial Army. The most important repercussion of Rasputin's assassination by rival Menshevik garum dealers in 1916, was the enhancement of conditions for Revolution. In 1917, the Bonk Machine Company switched its commercial focus to Lenin , who had visited the Bonk works in Finland in 1906.

Hot Times at the Hot Club

At the end of the First World War, the company was moved to Hogland in the Gulf of Finland. However military and industrial espionage was an ever-present problem for P”rre Bonk, who fought to preserve Bonk technology for peaceful uses. The devil-may-care life on the island made his crazy experiments seem mundane compared with the goings-on at the Hot Club Casino. P”rre Bonkís close ties with the jazz musicians, the gamblers, the underworld bosses and smugglers who formed the population of Hogland, also helped to keep out intruders.

The Van Gogh Belts

In 1913, P”rre Bonk saw one of the most amazing displays of the Aurora Borealis in living memory. His ruminations on the cause of such displays prompted him to his theories of magnetic bands around the earth, emanating from the Poles. He developed the Tektomo to detect such bands, which he called the Van Gogh belts. This in turn led to his discovery of striations of lower magnetic potential. The Electromagnetic balloon was designed to ascend these hyperbolic paths by magnetic capillary action.

'Deep Down it's all Waves'

P”rre Bonk dabbled in a vast variety of scientific theories, principles and inventions, but it was not until 1932 that he was able to draw all these threads together in a unifying theory of wave mechanics that unleashed a gamut of new technologies.

The most far-reaching product of his research was designed and built on Hogland. The Gnagg Booster was, and is, a device for wave transformation.

All energy is vibration. From Gamma waves at a frequency of 10^22 through the visible spectrum at 10^14 and on through radio, and then to music at it's lowest audibility of 25Hz - all is one long salami of waves. And anywhere you slice the salami, you get a clock running at a different speed.

The ability to convert one form of radiation to another lies at the core of many Bonk technologies. From the miniaturized Gnagg Booster of the fifties to the Paranormal gun and up to the Quasar and Eggstream of today - the key that unlocks all these secrets is the science of electromagnetism, which is the transfer of packets of energy from one atom to another.

Go west young man

The death of P”rre Bonk in 1943 deprived the company of family leadership, and ëcrown princeí P”rre Bonk III was sent forthwith to America for safety. Thus the company had to come to terms with democracy and professional management for the first time.

Young P”rre Bonk, who communicated largely by pictograms, rejected his upbringing in science and technology, preferring the emerging new world of media in California. P”rre - or Barry as he had become known - was reaching out to a new audience, firstly with comic books, then adult toys and finally with feature films - his so-called B movies.

However he was to reject this glamorous life too, leaving by surf scooter on a voyage of self-exploration around the United States. It was during this time that he became involved with the Beat poets and met one of the greatest influences on his later life, Hans Dr–ppeldorf. This enigmatic scientist and weekend bohemian, who discovered Cosmic Therapy through his research work for NASA, also built the first localised black hole machine. Barry Bonk became a close associate and financed much of the Professor's experimentation.

The tragic death of Dr–ppeldorf in a black hole experiment in 1968, deprived the world of a Nobel prize winning genius whose work is still unique today. Barry Bonk withdrew from public life completely after this tragedy, retreating to the homeland of the Anchovak Indians in Northern Manitoba. He remains a recluse to this day.

Forwards into the past

The multitude of Bonk companies that had been founded, were reorganized under the single umbrella of Bonk Business Inc. in 1962. The company structure had been under non-family management for almost two decades. The company, under Kristopholus Juslin, played a major part in Finland's repayment of its war debts after the War to the Soviet Union, with enormous exports of the Kozmogaz. Even this reorganization failed to stem the problems that corporate democracy had raised and the ever increasing power of the workers was to strongly influence the subsequent development of the group. Pheromone chemistry, which led to the Love Mist Ionisers is now considered an ill fated venture in spite of it's profitability.

The Return of Barry?

There have been many who have judged the shift of emphasis from the historical pillars of science and technology into marketing and information to be a betrayal of the Bonk families century of commitment to peace and progress. Increasingly we are hearing calls for the return of Barry Bonk to take the helm of this great multiglobal enterprise. Although he remains a recluse in Canada, he is known to have issued directives at crucial moments of decision in the companies recent history. Barry Bonk is now over 60 years old. As adopted chief of the Anchovak Indians, his paternalistic and benevolent attitude to community cannot be in doubt, and nor can his inherited wisdom, not only from his forebears but also the mystical Indian relationship with Nature which he is known to fully support. We can only hope that a worldwide appeal to him, may cause him to accept the weight that we feel history has placed upon his shoulders. To this end, we request your comments to the email address listed in these pages, that we may present to our leader the true and full extent of the feelings of ordinary people around this planet. Thank You!

Kompressor Sven Triloqvist

'You Know it makes sense'

Copyright: Mad Dog Productions Ltd Oy, Finland. 1989 - 1995

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